Everyone lies. Yes, even you lie, anonymous reader shaking your head in disgust. If you’re still saying no, then you are, in fact, lying right at this moment.
But why? Why do we lie? There are those who lie to avoid trouble and those who lie to get what they want. Some people even get a thrill from lying, so they do it just for fun. The most common lies told involve love and money. Go figure. Here are the top three types of lies:
The White Lie:
Don’t let the term ‘little white lie’ fool you; these are not lies told by the man to keep you down. No, these are just small lies that seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Most of these are the lies we tell to spare feelings. “Of course that dress
god-awful doesn’t make you look big fat pregnant cow” or “I would love to see that stupid looking movie with you.” If we’re not using our little white lies to boost others, we’re using them to make our selves look better. “I donate ridiculous amount of money to any generic cause/charity here ALL the time.” No you don’t. Tossing a couple of pennies into a coffee can marked ‘donations’ once or twice a year does not give you permission to use that small contribution to get some ass.
Lies of Omission:
Lies of omission aren’t lies that are given outright. They are lies that are done by leaving out information. For example, a mother asks her teenage child where they were all day. The teenager replies “I was at so-and-so’s house.” Well, yes they were there at one point, but they also went to notorious thugs house to do whatever hip new stupid thing is in right now (huffing paint, sniffing glue, eating cat litter, who the hell knows).
The Big Lie:
These lies take a lot of work on the part of the liar. They have to paste together a story with enough truth in it that if the receiver of the lie (let’s call them the lie-ee) decides to investigate, some parts of the lie come up legit. The lie can’t be to detailed so that the liar can remember it, but it can be so vague that the lie-ee doesn’t believe it. The most common of these lies are regarding affairs and finances (love and money again… hmm…)
What makes a good liar? Confidence and justification. The best liars are confident in their lies and themselves, and they even feel justified in what they’re doing. If you’re thinking ‘I’m great at detecting lies,’ you’re probably wrong. Most people can only detect lying about 50% of the time. Honestly, you might as well be guessing with those odds. In fact, only one in one thousand people are excellent lie detectors, so to speak. The reason they’re so good? They are masters of observation. They are able to detect subtle changes in body language, tone of voice, or even just inconsistencies of the liar’s story.
It turns out that dating sites are not the lie breeding grounds that we think they are. You need to be able to lie just enough to meet the person face to face, but not so much as to have them turn and run when they see you. Women typically lie about their weight (what’s new?) and men lie most about their height. While we may not be lying online, we lie the most on the phone. Why is that? Because there’s no written documentation of the lie. We can say things like “I never said that” or “you must have misheard me.”
FUN FACT: The average person tells approximately 3 lies a day. Here are mine:
1. “I just want to get the apartment unpacked as soon as I can” (I do want the place unpacked, it’s just that I don’t want to be the one doing it).
2. I don’t have a pen on me right now because I’m outside doing laundry. Can you just email me the paperwork to fill out?” (Lie. I was outside smoking, but as medical assistant who is working on a degree in health and wellness, I figured I’d keep that oxymoron to myself).
3. “Can I call you later? I’ve got to get this assignment done.” (Well…. I did need to do that assignment… but it’s not actually due until Thursday… and I was really just watching a Criminal Minds marathon)
Let’s hear your lies of the day.